BEING VULNERABLE ABOUT BEING ANNOYED.
There was a day recently that I was annoyed.
There was no reason ‘on paper’ to be annoyed at this thing.
[Interesting side-note I’ve since learned in conversation with a friend since then – that the term ‘on paper’ can just be a clever way of disguising ‘should.’ For example: Things look right ‘on paper’ = things ‘should’ be right; or No reason ‘on paper’ for me to… = no reason ‘I should’… and so on.]
Yet there I was – being annoyed.
Taking my own advice, I let it hit the air: I shared my annoyance with a trusted confidante not involved with the situation. A wonderful listener – this person didn’t give advice, and just allowed me to share, and to feel the way I felt.
While it helped a smidge to have spoken it aloud – it didn’t alleviate the annoyance.
I just became more annoyed that I was still annoyed.
When any of us have been doing inner work, or spiritual practices, or tuning in more closely to our intuition – we can begin to feel ‘better’ in general. But we might also begin to have expectations of ourselves that we’ll just always feel this way – to have this ‘better’ feeling consistently going forward and that we won’t allow things to faze us or impact us anymore – that we’ll move through everything with perfect ease.
The beauty of working with our own inner- or spiritual- or intuitive-connection (whatever term you like to use) is that we develop a greater awareness of ourselves, our feelings, our experiences – and are able to explore what’s coming up with a little more curiosity and openness.
It can be valuable to ask ourselves: Why do I feel this way? What is this feeling trying to tell me?
While we might get more reflexive with how quickly we return to a sense of calm, have more tools in our toolbox to help ourselves, and perhaps become able to curb our outward default knee-jerk or fly-off-the-handle reactions a little more often – we must also be patient with ourselves and the feelings we have, and remember that we don’t need ‘fixing.’
We are human, and the feelings and inner reactions and responses are still there. Sometimes they just need to be acknowledged.
Later on, I took a moment, stilled myself while sitting in bed and just asked what I needed to alleviate this annoyance.
In my mind’s eye appeared an image of a being I have called one of my ‘guides’ (side note: I have much to say about my own evolving concept of ‘guides’ but that’s for an upcoming piece I’ll share soon). He said: Just chill. Just pace yourself. The feelings have come up – so be it. You feel annoyed – so be it.
Then an image came up of the seashore and the lapping of the water against the pebbles and rocks on the beach. This metaphor showing nature’s rock-tumbler was reminding me that: the smooth rocks didn’t get that way on their own – they once had sharper edges that got smoother by the impact of the water, and their interaction with each other and the sand and sediment around them.
The idea here is that we soften and smooth out our own rough edges as we are impacted by our interactions with others and various experiences and situations.
Eventually it passed: my annoyance over time dissipated. Sometimes such feelings, challenges, issues – require more discussion, or a resolution to be found with another party – but in this case it did not. It only needed to be there, be acknowledged, and then be released to run its course.
Inviting you to have patience with yourself today.
While seeking happiness and inner-peace, it’s ok to still feel upset, annoyed, or frustrated – sometimes for longer periods than others. Observe the feeling, be curious about it, notice if there is something that comes up that might be a step toward alleviating it – but I encourage you not to be mad at yourself for simply feeling it. ❤
(Photo by Trang Pham, pexels(dot)com)